None of us has The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Guide to Etiquette memorized, and most of us have to wing it sometimes, when it comes to manners. However, you can improve your job and career prospects significantly by following one simple rule:
Who will be affected by my choices, and how can I best meet their needs?
Manners are cultural norms, and they represent us even when we are not consciously thinking about our behavior. Manners aren’t always convenient, efficient, or intuitive, but they aren’t supposed to be. We rely on them to help us build good relationships, smooth the paths around us, allow others to manage their own expectations, and to enhance the experience others have when they are with us.
Here are some examples of fundamental conduct choices that affect others, which might be relevant to your life on campus. Practicing professional manners now will help you in your career after law school.
- Respond to invitations in a timely fashion, and if you accept an invitation, show up for the event. Hosts order food, favors, materials, and entertainment based on the expectations you provide. Your role in the event is to participate in its success; as a guest you may distinguish yourself as a contributor. As a no-show, you distinguish yourself, but not in a good way.
- Accept invitations only if you are interested in the event, and only if you are prepared to help make it a success. Events are not intended to be free food and drink for walk-ins; they have been planned for a reason. If you aren’t prepared to join in the activities, your being there detracts from the enjoyment of others.
- Greet others and respond to others when greeted. We are fellow travelers on your journey; we like knowing you are here with us.
- At seated events, use your best company manners. Wait until the entire table is served or seated before beginning your meal. Pass table condiments and dishes. Use utensils correctly, and keep elbows and other personal belongings off the table. Please enjoy your food, but at a reasonable pace and in moderate volume; most social meals are not about the feeding process, but about the program or celebration. Your host will set the tone and the role of the guest is to be genial to the other guests and supportive of the host’s agenda. Not so much to eat as much as possible as fast as possible.
- Thank others, a lot. You cannot go wrong with many thanks, freely offered. When you ask, and asking is always better than demanding, say please. Really.
- Show up on time, wherever you go. Late arrivals turn attention away from the business at hand, disrupt concentration of others, and make it hard to manage schedules.
- When speaking for conversational purposes (not orating, in other words) speak in your indoor voice, and with the intention of listening when your turn to speak is over. Listen well, and answer with a smile.
In general, think about the experience you are providing to the others around you. If you engage in inconsiderate habits now, how will you practice better habits in your professional future? You would not want to be someone who has two sets of manners—one for people and situations that “matter,” and one for those that don’t. Career professionals spend most of their time thinking about service and how to serve better, more often, or more distinctively. Practicing good manners now will help you as you think about the needs of your clients and professional relationships in the future.