We see all kinds of seekers in the Career Development Office—people seeking jobs, careers, information, feedback, food, connections, and sometimes just a word or two of encouragement. And sometimes people are there to befriend us, because we are, from time to time, a little boisterous and we will celebrate Tuesday just because it’s Tuesday, or it isn’t raining, or because one of you got a job or even an interview.
Of course, you are welcome to count yourself among any or all of these groups. We will ask you, however, to bring your positive self, because we most enjoy that part of you, the part that makes us glad we get to work with you and help you create your future.
A long time ago I read an article that described the differences between people who are optimistic and people who are pessimistic, or cynical. The thrust of the author’s premise was that pessimistic people and cynics choose this outlook in order to ensure that they beat the powerful universe to the punch. In other words, they believe that their abiding awareness of the worst that could happen is smarter than the blissful optimism of their counterparts who hope for and anticipate the best outcomes. The point is that the pessimists have a point.
But the optimists, and all of those who approach challenge with positive expectations that something good will happen, even if it isn’t the exact something they had in mind, have something that may be more useful on this planet, today. And that is that they are more likely to get what they want, because they are likable, liked, and are attractive. Meaning, their energy attracts others, and others bring opportunity.
Here are Five Positively Compelling means to the kind of energy that makes others want to spend more time with you, a critical element in the art of making friends.
- Affirm, affirm, affirm. You can write affirmations simply by stating the reality you seek: “I am a confident, organized, resourceful candidate for the associate job in the firm that will value what I bring. I spend time each day on my career plans, so that I am prepared and current in my search.”
- Think about what others see and hear. I can’t count the number of times someone has said, “I’m only sharing this [insert negative fantasy here] with you; I’d never say it out loud.” Well you just did, and if you say it out loud or write it down, it is more real than the stuff [like Hope, for example] floating around in your head that didn’t just fly out of your mouth.
- No matter what happens, find the good in it, Pollyanna. It really feels better to say the happy truth, “Well, that interview could have gone better, but I learned a lot. I’ll be more prepared and ready for those questions next time.” Better for you, too, than “Why did I ever even think this was something I could do? I am such a conversation klutz.” That is what we call Negative Self Talk and it can be nearly fatal to a perfectly good career.
- Think about the experience the other person in the conversation or the room is having with you. Are you making their day brighter or better? Are you building a relationship? Are you supportive of what your conversation partner is trying to accomplish? Are you smiling and friendly? Are you open to opportunity and possibility? Are you being nice?
- Be calmer and easier to talk with. Optimism is not as dramatic nor as attention-getting as pessimism. But it works better in the quest for attention. Fewer people want to hear from Debbie Downer than you think, because they don’t know what to say to her. In fact, Debbie Downer is hard to endorse. (“Gee, thanks for sending me that Albatross, I’ll do you a similar favor as soon as I can think of a good one. . . .”) Think about your reasons for making that cynical remark—is it really going to accomplish what you want?
If you are struggling to achieve positivity, come up and visit with us. We supply the cookies and the positive feedback every day.
If you are a student at Stetson Law reading this, and you got all the way to this sentence, please send me an email at cmartin@law.Stetson.edu. The first email sender (date and time stamped) will receive ten dollars.